The Election.

what a strange world. people on social media keep saying that there's still hope but we all know they are just saying it to make themselves feel better. i feel very pessimistic today but i want to be optimistic, so i am probably just like those people on social media. i want to have hope, you know? its a good thing to have, especially in situations like this. its still hard though because, i cant totally wrap my head around it. like, what do you mean its all just... over? its all gone? does my life mean nothing?

ive had time to think. this is a harsh blow but we are stronger than they think we are. we've done it before, we will do it again. i want to live. i want to have a good life, i want to be with my friends, and i will have that. one of the reasons this outcome hurt me so much was because i was trying really hard to get better and live the life i want to live. this shattered my hope greatly but i will put myself together again, i will get better, even if theyd rather see me dead. i think i have learned why people do things in spite of others. for a long time i didnt understand because id rather be exactly what they think i am, i didnt want to change. that was my "spite" (compliance) but i dont want to lay down and give up, that wouldnt be fair to myself. 

i think i feel like i want to live more sincerely than i did before. i will not and can not stop being myself. trans people have always existed, we will always be here. thank you and goodbye.