𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘ nonsense writing archive 𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

My heart stings when I remember that I have one life on this earth.  What cruelty did I do to deserve to get arms full of issues?  There's voidless limbo after my last breath, that's what I've been told,  told by someone who KNOWS.  Deprived from getting a typical experiences like others around me makes me feel like endgame wont be any better,  that it will only get worse.  These choppy occasional boosters aren't enough to keep someone going to the end, is it?  How many occasional sparks of enjoyment does someone need to keep going?  I dont think theyre supposed to be random popups in your daily life, but they should be a routine thing.  If one day a miracle doesnt popup at the right time or in a time it needs,  what if that is my last day?  What if this miracle I rely on doesn't catch me at the edge?  It's like I'm being teased or being played with.  Moments before wanting to be drowned in the limbo of after life is when life tries to put me back on my feet with something new and exciting to lure me away from lingering death,  it's all last minute.  The pain of not knowing if after my last breath that life wouldve really gotten better or either it gotten worse and that it was the right choice to remove myself from ever getting near experincing the worst, but how would I know?  I'd be dead.  There would be no thoughts, no sitting and wondering if I made the right choice, just limbo. Not even limbo, not even nothingness.  Would I rather feel nothing or feel something that I cant actually feel?  The "feeling" would be beyond that human imagination, like an alien thought, like i call it suddenly.  Theres things the human mind can't comprehend, the human mind can't reach certain imaginitive processes, bu the minds of other creatures somewhere in the universe can.  How do I wrap my head around a concept that isn't even a concept?  How do i wrap my head around the idea of something that I'm not even sure about, and Idea i have but at the same time, dont.