BPDiaries #2

BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder 

its 10:30am I woke up about 30mins ago. Realized I've been 'splitting', (definition - means a person wit BPD is unable to hold opposing thoughts and concludes that someone or something is entirely good or entirely bad, without grey areas.) I've been having bouts of depression since September, but October was when it because consistent and then lead to splitting, basically thinking my life has gone to shit, everyone hates me, I hate me, that it's all fucked and there's no way out. 

This morning I sat down to journal and the first thing I could think to write was "I can't live like this anymore". I did a tarot reading too, basically saying now is the time to act, to self-empower, to be inspired. I want to get better. 

BPD has a lot of stigma, "hypersexual" "narcissistic", "crazy", "manipulative", "too much work". We are "difficult to love". I know it can be hard for those around us, but it's hard for those just trying to manage everyday with it too. Every day is an obstacle. 

If you read this post thank u <3