goodbye. (or not)

recently I feel myself quite happy. bcz I know, that in a few days I'll finally end it all. YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! I know that it would be too difficult for me to do this when sober, so I plan to drink some vodka that for some reason just stands in my room. and eat some random pills. also, when I'm dreaming, and I don't like what I'm dreaming about I try to find any high building to jump off of it. so that I awake. but if I'll try to jump off of a roof, I wouldn't do this anyway. I have a huge fear of highness. plus I can survive. stab my stomach/ heart with a knife - would be too painful. swallowing a lot of pills - not a good idea too. I can become an invalid, and pray for death x10 times more often. though. I'M STILL VERY AFRAID TO DO THAT. I HOPE HEAVEN AND HELL DOESN'T EXIST. perhaps, I'll open my veins.