Reflections

Growing up as a kid I have always had a bad relationship with my mother, my earliest memories are of her beating my brothers and I, while yelling about how much she hates us. Looking at it now, it 100% effected how I developed, I never really felt the need for validation and care/love from others because of that. When I went into Kindergarten, I met my father for the first time. He was a strong tall man, although he was absent for the first few years of my life, he showed me that he loved and cared about me. After a few months I moved in with my dad for a 2 years. In those 2 years I went to 3rd grade, and 4th grade. While I lived with him he taught me so much, like how to cook, how to write, what to read, and just gave me the longing for knowledge. After finishing up 4th grade, I moved back in with my mom and my brothers. In 5th grade I made friends at my new school and was honestly enjoying myself. Finished up elementary school and went to middle school. Most of my life I was told that I was "Extremely Gifted" or smart, those words kind of put me under the mindset that I didn't need to try, so in my first year of middle school I failed every class, not because the classes themself were hard, but simply because I was lazy. After that year I went to another school, this time it was an academy that prided itself on the fact that every student who graduated high school through the academy has either gone to college or trade school. I was of course enlightened to join this school. In doing so it opened plenty of opportunities for me which I hadn't seen yet. In my 7th grade year I strived to do my best, and I did, however, not too long after in march of 2019, Covid 19 became an outbreak. This caused schools to shut down and ultimately for me to fall behind. After the year ended for that, we still had virtual classes for the following year. That year I took it more seriously because I needed to in order to graduate. At the end of the year we had a giant graduation party, neither of my parents showed up, but my step dad did. He took my little brother and I to get some food and told me that, high school is going to be hard but I can make it through. Although I don't really like the man too much now, I respect his words and the love he gave me through my time alone. Freshman year of high school was honestly a bore, at the time I wasn't motivated to go to school, so I flunked most of my classes due to not attending. Fortunately because of the academy I was in, the district deemed I was eligible to pass. The summer of that year, I spent most of it living with my father, he talked to me about a lot of things, and to always reflect on my pass, so I don't repeat it. Later that summer, he was killed in a homicide. Sophmore year of high school was really hard for me, I never once had depression, but the feeling of knowing my dad, one of the few people who actually cared about me, was truly gone, truly broke me. I did my best to hide it and fight it. However, when his birthday came around, I broke. I stopped being able to smile, for the first time. My teacher comforted me, and she was the only one who aided me during it, throughout my mom constantly said she wished it was me who died instead of him. As much as those words hurt, it wasn't as bad as knowing he was gone. I struggled through my 10th grade year, but I passed all of my classes and made sure to improve my attendance. In my Junior year of high school, I've gotten a lot better from facing my depression, I understood that my dad wouldn't want me to let myself go over it. I picked myself up and kept pushing. That year was the single handedly the best year I have ever had, although my dad was gone, I was able to not only fully bring out my potential but also lift others with myself. I 100% would not have be able to do so without the support of my teacher, she helped me open up a shit load. Well, here we are, my senior year of high school. It started up in August and as of making this it is October 6th. I'm currently 17 now, and I'm more than motivated. First quarter already passed and I have straight A's, I guess I'm not some super genius, but I am capable.