I did it to myself...

9-28-24 - I don't know why I'm doing this honestly, I don't think there's a reason. I just don't want to feel anything anymore I'm tired. Will I be to old for him when I turn 18? He told me he'll want me when I'm 30 and when I've had his children, he says it doesn't feel different down there and that me changing and getting older won't change his mind. But what if he's lying? What if he gets bored of me when I'm not young and pretty anymore? It's my fault though, I did it to myself I make these thoughts up and I already know it's wrong to be with him cause he's so much older but, I won't leave idk why. I didn't even want this in the first place, I wasn't looking for a boyfriend nor was I interested in dating in my teen years but, he was just something else, something different from what I've seen before. He'll either be the light of my life, or the death of me.