blog #1 me

so starting out, i feel and think a lot with great intensity. i usually try to surround myself with other people that do the same but when i'm around 'normal people' i feel like they don't get the emotions i feel even as a concept they can think of or as a feeling. it makes me feel alone and very sensitive, how can i expect someone to feel the exact way i do? would it be selfish for me to want a partner, or friends that feel the same way i do? the heartbreak of every word taken wrong, or the euphoria of being really happy, or the unbearable feeling of loneliness inside of you that you cannot escape. sometimes it feels like knives are stabbing me in the heart over and over.

everyone feels differently, everyone is different and i know someday things will look up for me as well, i will find someone who truly understands my emotions, the true depth of them.... hopefully. it's not like anyone owes me it or anything, but for now i remain optimistic. 

these feelings remind me of a song by mitski 'i'm your man'. i usually tend to relate all my emotions to songs.. and it's funny because none of my other friends do. simply because it's really not that deep for them. i want to experience songs without enveloping myself completely into whatever it is i'm doing or listening to. even the people i'm with. it's like an all consuming feeling. 

in conclusion. it's okay to think things are more deeper than they are. and it's okay to feel them as well, because someone out there will understand that pain. i know i do.