i used to get extrEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMLY depressing over here. it was like bad. but idk at some point i was like hey maybe posting about how you wanna kill yourself all the time is um SILLY AND DUMB AND STUPID. so i decided to purge all those depressing entries and i told myself that i would try to treat this more like a casual myspace blog where i just talk about my silly day or some shit.
and that's all well and good and allat.
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbut.
it's really hard lol. especially with have i've been f e e l i n g.
and i wanna talk about this feeling but try my best not to get too depressing but at the same time it's about depression so like how do you talk about depression without getting depressing? idk. LET'S TRY IT OUT!!!!!
so. the thing i've been feeling is well, nothing? like i feel so empty. so hollow?. i don't feel alive and i don't feel like i'm on earth. it feels like my soul has clocked out long ago and the only thing running this body is depression. really i feel like a walking, slowly decaying corpse. it's bad lol. like really i just feel like i'm not alive anymore. that i have fully convinced myself that there is no hope, no point in trying, there's no getting up from rock bottom, so why even try? it feels like i've completely given up. i don't even feel human.
SEE.
LIKE HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT WITHOUT GETTIN EXTREMELY FUCKIN SAD AND DEEP.
this has been goin on for a while. honestly this whole year i've kinda felt like nothing. of course i haven't gone the entire year with zero emotions but i mean like i've just felt so worthless. as the time has passed i could feel myself getting worse. it's becoming impossible to focus on anything. i am distracted by everything and i don't even try to get myself to stop. i can't get myself to do ANY of the things i want to do. even making KANDI. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF BED TO MAKE A DAMN BRACELET?
long story short, it's been bad lol.
i don't know what to do. it feel like i can't do anything. it's like it hurts so bad i can't feel it anymore. i can't feel anything. i feel dead basically.
i'm really lost. i feel worthless, hopeless, like i'm gonna die this way. accomplished no dreams. didn't bring anything to this life. just a miserable, neet 20 year old with no purpose. i've just been getting worse and worse and worse. for years now.
so.
YEAH.
THAT'S BEEN MY LIFE LATELY!!!!!!!!!!!
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