lol yet another update in the "possibly infected wisdom tooth" saga.
so um. i have developed that pulsatile tinnitus shit in my right ear. the same ear that has been hurting alongside my jaw for the last 2 (i think it's technically 3 now) weeks.
and it started LITERALLY YESTERDAY???????????
it was either yesterday or the day before. like literally out of nowhere and it comes and goes and shit.
it's very
very
ANNOYING.
so um.
i'm gonna call a dentist first. no insurance? no money? fuck it at this point. i have to TRY to get an appointment at least. if that don't work then i'll try to go to urgent care cuz someone suggested that (thank you!). i can't just sit here and wait around until things get bad. i think things are ALREADY GETTIN BAD. like seriously, i think this shits like actively killin me LOL.
i googled the pulsing ear thing (my entire life lately has just been googling symptoms and information about all these health scares it is a nightmare honestly) and apparently it is usually caused by some disturbance in the blood flow or somethin and USUALLY means somethin is not all good in the brain.
so.
i guess that's what i get for noticin too late.
now i'm gonna get sepsis and d i e.
of course i could be fine right? i don't know really. there's not a single part of me that believes i'm okay anymore. then again, i'm a pretty paranoid person. i think i'm dying all the time. seriously, that is barely an exaggeration. i don't wanna say i've been this way all my life but i've been a hypochondriac for maaaaaaaany years now. i used to have panic attacks from thinkin i was dyin. i'm surprised i don't anymore. now i just. silently freak out. all day. constantly, nonstop worrying. it like, paralyzes me.
i just realized i got way off topic.
ookay where was i even?
i'm gonna try to go see SOMEONE. ANYONE that can give me answers. i hate not knowing what's wrong with me. i've been feelin crazy for YEARS because of all the pain and shit i've felt without any reason as to why it's happening.
is it sad to say that i want someone to tell me that something is actually wrong?
like i don't want to be dying or anything right? i don't want to be sick. but i do want answers, yk? or an answer. anything that isn't "you're fine" "you're overreacting" "nothing is wrong with you" "you're making things up"
but also if i got told "you have sepsis" or "you have cancer" i would just kill myself.
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