Why upset?

Why am i so upset that he got mad at me once? Am i upset at myself or him? Was he truly mad or just tired of me? He said sorry and so did i, but which of us was actually sorry and which just wanted to keep the other okay?

I think I was upset because i didn’t want to lose him, I assume that one small mistake will cause an avalanche to occur, that even breathing wrong will cause him to stop loving me. I’m not upset with him but upset at myself because I made him upset. I caused the disruption and created the issue. His words were that it was getting old so I believe that he wasn’t mad but tired of me, tired of the fact that I don’t act how one should. I act out and pretend it’s funny because it’s the one thing I have control over. I said sorry because I know I messed up. I know that if I hadn’t acted the way I did then none of it would’ve happened. I don’t care if he was truly sorry because he didn’t need to be. I just don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to make issues so maybe if I can play the part of a perfect person then he won’t leave. I wasn’t upset at him, I was upset at myself for being me.