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I have a lot of trouble putting my thoughts into words.
I think about things like life and death quite often (as most overthinkers do). Yesterday I was thinking about defiance and conformity, and how these concepts are paradoxically both living and dying. If you conform to (a capitalist) society's expectations of how you should live your life--working a dead end job to earn money to live-- you are doing so *to* live, not for the sake of conformity. But that is a death in itself, because you are sacrificing your passions, the things you actually care about and like doing just to live. Society makes you hold the knife to the things that make you feel alive. You've been set up, the knife has been placed in your hand and your passions and everything you love stands before you trembling. You kill everything that makes you feel alive so that you can live without love. So the next reasonable stone to skip is defiance. If we're stuck with a knife placed in our hand, why can't we just drop it? Or, better yet, turn around and bite at the hand that "feeds" us. Dismantling society itself is more of an American Dream than whatever anyone on the internet is selling it as. But defiance is a societal death, it's walking up an escalator going down. You don't have money, food, or a job. But at least you've maintained your humanity, right? If I was proposed the choice of living a long life where I am miserable or a short life where I can be free and do what makes me happy, I think I would always choose the latter. I hope if I die early my family and friends know that was the theoretical choice I made.
Anyway, that got rather morbid. I only wanted to write down some of the things I've been thinking into tangible words. And I hope I don't come off as someone who is overly pessimistic or someone who hates everyone. The truth is that I love people, and I wish that everyone could do what they love. But I do think of society more negatively nowadays. Economic recession tends to do that to you. The world is so full of hatred, one day I want to make something that cheers someone up. I want to make something that is loved.
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Starvix
What you've said is something I struggle with a lot and take to heart in nearly everything I do. I'm a firm believer in the idea that to live is to no conform. I have a job, and I've attended school. But I also present myself to the world in such an outlandish and offputting manner at times that I dare not restrict what I am in order to fit in better. Despite the compromises that must be made due to our nightmarish world, my insistence on defiance has been the best thing I've ever held on to.
I completely agree, finding a way to hold onto your passions while also performing what is required to live in this world is the balance we all need. Art is my passion, and I have this (maybe unachievable) dream of making something like a comic or game that people can enjoy. And even though my project may never come to fruition, the idea of it is what keeps me sane and functional. I really admire people who hold true to themselves like you. I certainly need to get over myself and just be who I am without worrying about how other people perceive me.
Thanks for the response!
by sled; ; Report
Of course, my friend. About your creative endeavors, I myself have many many unfinished projects. A game, a story, many many songs, and countless ideas that very well may never come to be. But I make them for myself, and if I ever feel the desire, I may come back to any one of them and enjoy the revival of the work. I find that chasing other's enjoyment from your creative projects may be an unhealthy mindset to work with, but of course to each their own.
by Starvix; ; Report