i'm not real. a made-up drama

I thought that the next day I would get rid of this feeling of rejection towards my body and others, but it still continues. I regret a lot of the things I came to do for attention, even more so I am disgusted by the people with whom I related and made me do things I didn't want to do. But it's my fault and I've already done it. 

When I started anorexia I did it because I felt part of a community, then because I wanted to use my weight as an argument to feel superior to the rest, and now I don't know. To look more childish? more than when I was a child? Feel desired? I'm disgusted. This whole situation disgusts me, but it's inevitable. I hope to get to a point where I wish anorexia would kill me. But that doesn't matter anymore, I still eat like a pig every day, that means my problems are just ridiculous. 

Please, if you want them to take your issues seriously, starve to death.