jealousy? + I miss him ++ LOTS OF YAPPING!!!

im jealous of the girls he talks to even tho we arent even together anymore!! i constantly have to remind myself that the girls he talks to are just his friends, and they are! cause who would really like a gremlin like him? (me :C) anywayz, i would honestly rather be with the girls im jealous of than him! cuz the girls im jelly of are super nice! but theyre also super gorg :C i feel like they could have any boy they want and thats what makes me jealous! because if theyre the standard from where i live, THEN I HAVE NO CHANCE!! sighhhh :C

i miss him, i cant tell if i miss him or the idea of him. IDK WHAT TO DO, I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS WITHOUT JUDGEMENT! my friends get mad at me for even MENTIONING him! so i cant go to them, i briefly talked to my therapist about him, but nothing came out of it! its mostly rooted to my confidence issues and abandonment issues, so i guess i rushed things and clung onto him?? idek... we message each other like friends as always and im super cool with it, but whenever he messages me i get this pit feeling, cuz i kno i miss him, or maybe his attention?? IDK. plus he didnt even treat me that good! i knoooo his words were in the heat of the moment while we gamed but it hurt me to some degree :C i couldnt jus talk to him abt it cuz last time i tried to be mature abt it he didnt reply in a mature way as i was hoping! and its still the same when we game tg with friends, its like nothing changed.

ALSO ALSO ALSO!! he messaged the gc im in with his friends one random night and said 'im jus missing her' LIKE WHAT?!?! i cant tell who hes talking about! seriously!! i talked to my best friend, B about it which is his friend too, and he said that R (the guy im talking abt BTW!!) does that for gits and shiggles!! but NEVER in group chats!!! LIKE WHAT????

advice is GREATLY appreciated if anyone ever sees this :C