i think this is great

i think this site is great. i feel like i missed out on a lot with the myspace era and this is just very nice. BTW i found this new song and it is really good. the ending has this poem or quote, and it is just, my favourite...

"Once more, I wont tell a soul. 

It's a way to lonely leaves and slamming car doors.

Of a memory escaping these fumbling fingertips.

It's time to blow a kiss goodnight to laying side by side.

Damp bodies smiling at stars in a field of broken glass and lip stains.

It's at the sweet seconds that I'm able to stoop down, catch my breath,

and stare you directly in the face"

straight up... CHILLSS.... its probably like.. gibberish kinda, like hearing a lotta words but nothing is actually being said. even so the words chosen and the singers voice just.. makes it work?? it sounds better when listening to the actual song which is Ending Time by The Lazarus Project by the way (woops). I havent heard any more of their stuff, but I am definetely looking forward to their other releases.

But...

It makes me sad to think about all the bands out there with AMAZING SONGS!! like some of the best stuff i have ever heard, (my mind goes to ribbon fix and jejune (WHO YOU SHOULD GO CHECK OUT.. RIGHT NOW!!!) and these bands, some will never see the light of day... either they do sign with a small label and manage to officially release but never go somewhat mainstream, and i think about the people playinig in their basements or garages who have genuinely good songs, but they go nowhere with it. Everytime a band doesnt believe in themselves, a star dies... 

but ANYWAY

school starts kinda soon, like a couple weeks or sumthing. im going into year 10 and i have made the realisation that i only have 3 years left (including this one) and I realised that the only reason i go to school is to see my friends (which SUCKS when most of them ARENT in ur classes) and I really want to see them outside of school more.

you see, i only moved here 3 years ago now (wow!!) and i went into highschool knowing absolutely NO ONE. i sat next to a bin at lunch and the only person who would occasionally talk to me was the school councilor passing by and checking on me (super sad but new kid new school new state wutevr) thankfully once in my hass class (only aussies will know) me and the guy sitting next to me made fun of the way our teacher said 'gold' which rocketed me over the last years to the same group but different subcategories.

 I started with Group A, but slowly learned that i wasnt really a fit for them (still good friends!! just.. y'know), and kinda created my own kiinda sub category??? there is this blue and yellow bench and I ended up sitting there fow while and usually people surround the area (natural gravitaational pull i guess xD),

but sometime last year, someone new showed up outside my science class. I was orbiting around the groups of popular kids and waiting for them to go into class so i could go after them, when i notice them looking kinda lost, and me having no friends in this class i (super reluctantly as someone with bad social anxiety) asked him if this was his class. anyway, we end up sitting together and he notices my chaos emeralds stickers and ASKS ME ABOUT THEM!!! this is the forst time someone has noticed them and i kinda freaked out as I was going through a MASSIVE sonic hyperfixation at that time. turns out he doesnt exactly like sonic, but his grandad does, he even has an original copy of SH1 and some of the old archie comics.

 but anyway at some point he asks me if this is one of the lower tier classes, and i tell him yeah sorta but not the lowest (even though the school wouldnt admit they do that)  but whatever, he ends up changing to the scince class right across from mine, so BAM, alone again, it must be my destiny...........

 turns out hes in some of my other classes and to be fair... i was SUPER ANNOYING... like... looking back on it, in metal work i would just hover arounnd him WAY too much (i am so so sorry man T_T) and im pretty sure he almost just dumped me.. but GLADLY... he didnt, and i am still anoyying him to this day (not as much lol)

ANYWAY TOO MUCH OF A TANGENT. i want to hang out with my friends MORE, i want to make memories tou see in coming of age movies!! hanging out in a park!! walking around random places we've never seen!! I..WANT.. THAT!! good 'ol friendship fun!! I have gotten a taste of this once on the last day of last year. AND, I , WANT MORE!!! we hung out for like 7 hours TOTAL!! i wanna do that MORE! i would leave my house at -15 degrees at 3:47am on a sunday just to hang out...

 I have no idea what i want to do after school, and school is just telling me that i have to oprepare for my job and my taxes and I DONT WANT THAT!!! I AM JUST A BOY!!! I WANT TO HAVE FUNN!!! I DONT WANT TO WORRY ABOUT SCHOOL GRADES OR IF IM GOING TO GET STABBED ON THE TRAIN OR THAT IF I DONT TAKE SCHOOL SERIOUSLY IM GONNA HAVE SOME DEADEND JOB OR SOMETHING....... NO!!! LET ME LIVE!!! LET ME HAVE FUN!!! I AM BUT A BOY!!!! i dont want to have to plan ahead for university right know.. i know i should start thinking about it, but i have no idea what i would want to do there.. maybe something with music?? i am good at drums, but i have no idea what i would do other than that. my friends are doing career taster programs and are already doing tradie stuff. my brother is turning 18 NEXT YEAR.... i have no idea how he feels but i know it is prbably terrifying. 

speaking of that... DRIVING..... I am officially 16 next year which mean i can get my liscence, which i am NOT READY FOR!!! i just.... when i imagine myself driving, on the road, with other cars, I CANT!! i can imagine my older brothers, they r like super tall and stuff, but i am still so short, i am just barely taller than my little bro... i just cant..... i want to be a little gnome in the forest foraging mushrooms for mothers soup for tonights supper. i want to scuttle up trees and visit the other gnomes in their little huts..

I AM NOT MADE FOR THIS LIFE!!! I AM WHIMSICAL!! I WANT TO LIVE CAREFREE!!! THIS WORLD IS DOOMED!!!! PEOPLE WERE AT A PEDOPHILE ISLAND!! LISTEN TO THAT!!! AN ISLAND FULL OF RICH AND FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO DIDDLED KIDS!! GROSS!!! FLOWERS ARE GROWING IN ANTARCTICA! PALESTINE IIS BEING RUN TO THE GROUND, AND MOST GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS ARE FUNDING THIS GENOCIDE!!

sigh....

well, hopefully next year is an okay one. hopefully whoever sees this and bothers to read a person possibly across the worlds thought's has a good year aswell. dont let anything getchu down, even when the eshays bark at u, and when the going gets tough. Just get by, day by day. 

exist for yourself, and that is enough.

peace ^_^