Relationships are kind of terrifying (rambling)

-Some mention of sensitive topics

I’ve been in so many bad relationships. I’ve only been in a couple of good ones, and those good ones ended with the people treating me horribly after peaceful breakups. I’ve been love bombed, manipulated, gaslighted, verbally abused and just about everything else you can think of. My last relationship was so messy and left me in pieces. Liking someone who seems ready for a relationship is so nerve wrecking. I don’t even know if I’m ready for a relationship but his affection is so relaxing. I know that I want to feel loved but am I ready for that? Do I want to fall in love again? What kind of relationship does he even want? I still need to ask him a lot of things. Even when he’s messing with me or making jokes I’m comfortable. He’s always sure to say he’s joking even though I suspect them to be half jokes which is okay too. I like that I’m able to talk with him for hours. He made a lasting first impression. He’s so pretty. His hair is gorgeous and his eyes are absolutely stunning. With all the compliment I have a fear that it could be live binning bug I’m hoping it’s not. It feels a bit different from that. He’s so sweet to me. He’s never said anything that’s felt even slight off. I kinda hope this could turn into something long term. Something that would be healthy and loving. He’s weird but I like weird and him being nerdy is absolutely adorable. I call him pretty boy. Unfortunately due to the weather we’re we are school has been canceled due to freezing temperatures. I’d like to be able to see him again so I hope the weather improves after today.