just yapping/overthinking on january 14/2024

Just remembered I had this account so.. and it works on my chromebook so yippee!! I'm currently playing Minecraft. I just finished my house. I think it's the biggest thing i've ever built. I don't know if i'm gonna keep up with "blogging" but i'll try. One of my friends on here writes their blog as they go throughout their day and that sounds fun so i'll try to remember to do that. It's evening right now and Tomorrow I don't have school so i'll probably play minecraft again all day. That's okay because it makes me happy. I'm learning how to play "lucky number nine' by the moldy peaches on guitar right now. I was thinking about making something like an edm type beat with my synthesizer and maybe add some guitar and bass into it. I have ice cream that I'm really excited about. Should i start documenting my high school life. Like writing about it every day and just documenting things abt it. That would be cool. Then in 200 years they'll find this account and be like "wow, so this is what high school was like in 2024" I really hate when people tell me I "yap" because then I feel stupid and feel like no one thinks I have anything important to say. I try not to let it affect me but I already feel like no one is listening and that just makes it ten times worse.  Whenever someone asks me what my worst fear is I can't think of one I just start thinking about how I can't think of one and it just spirals, I think my worst fear is being alone with my thoughts. I always have to have music or shows or something playing in the background of everything I do otherwise I feel awkward with myself and my thoughts. Imagine your friend left you alone with a stranger and you either have to sit there in awkward silence or make awkward small talk, but the small talk is watching shows or listening to music and the awkward silence is being alone with your thoughts. I feel like I just have an awkward existence. I rarely feel comfortable around people and yet I overshare a lot. Maybe it's to break the awkwardness shield or a defense mechanism against getting close to people by scaring them away with info about my life. Either way i'm trying my best to feel human and be one. I hope everyone who happens to see this (especially in 200 years) has a good day/night. 

Edit: Feel free to add your thoughts on anything I said.