one leftist fear of kindness

cancel culture is not real. cancel culture as most conservatives, and by extension, most mass media portrays it does not exist. but we are seeing a return to a mccarthyist culture

but that's not really want i want to talk about. because as much as cancel culture is not real, purity culture very much is.

because of that, i feel a constant fear of being "cancelled." and i know that i am not alone in that. kuncan dastners newest video that is admittedly, very strange (explanation here) i think it exemplifies this. good people fear being deemed bad at the smallest disagreement, lest they be "shunned." like we're a bunch of cult members.

i don't think our culture knows exactly how to deal with this change. every community has been poisoned by this kind of ideology in one way or another, and it's hard to root out when most of what purity culture preaches is so... on its face,  palatable? after all...

"don't they deserve that kind of treatment? aren't they doing harm? wouldn't they just continue doing harm if we didn't stop them? think of all the people they hurt, they deserve it."

is a sentiment i can understand. a sentiment everyone can understand, to some extent. as a communist myself, this is one of the very base beliefs that most of us hold. and again, i agree...  to an extent.

but all of this is only to preface one fear that i've been finding in myself more and more.

i am deeply afraid of being kind, publicly.

being kind is vulnerable, really. being willing to admit you want to care for others? it's not easy, especially for people like me.  people who grew up deeply cynical and atheistic to a fault. who realized from an early age that they felt everything differently than everyone else. It's easier to destroy any feeling than be willing to be hurt by it.

but now, i want to be kind. i want to love un-abashedly. i want to be shamelessly in love with life and every single person who inhabits it.

(why? religion babbeeeyy...)

but it's still terrifying to do so.

for example, yesterday, a south park fan commented on my previous blog post (i do not know where their comment went?) declaring their pro-no-kink-at-pride beliefs. normally, i would have no problem educating them about where these ideas come from and what they mean on a large scale

but i was scared. why? i realized it was not because i was afraid of conflict. i was going to try to be as kind about it as i usually would, and i wasn't afraid of how that person would've reacted in the slightest. 

what i was really afraid of was being seen as being kind to someone who i, and most people i know, would consider to be a "problematic person"

not because i didn't want to be kind to them. i wanted them to understand how harmful their beliefs are without feeling like i was angry or upset. that doesn't help anyone. but... if anyone saw it, would they think i AGREED with them? would they think i had suddenly decided that these kinds of beliefs SHOULD be treated with harsh destruction? would they think less of me, not only as a leftist but as a person, for being kind to this stranger?

what a terrifying prospect. i hadn't even realized i had been harbouring these thoughts until this small interaction.

but those thoughts are wrong. yes, violence is the answer. yes, bigotry and injustice need to be treated with nothing but resistance, and that resistance should be mean, and violent, and horrifying to the people we're resisting if it has to.

but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be kind. you should be nice. some people are beyond saving, but not everybody is. everybody can improve. so like, whatever.

stop caring about what other leftists will think of your attitude.

the world sucks enough already.

that's my message of the day. i guess

-  your local transexual fag commie punk friend