Day 117 of GETTING A GIRLFRIEND LETS GOOOOOOOOOO

Ummm...guys...I did it! I got a girlfriend!! Im feeling especially cruel today I shall leave all the details at the end. I know, I'm evil!

• Coffee review again!
• Literally did nothing!
• In my Meadow Soprano Arc!
• Moth has an existential crisis
• (NO QUOTE TODAY, SORRY)
• OH BOY! BIG NEWS!

Sooooo, I have successfully lowered my coffee intake to one cup every day, we're making progress! However, my parents have bought a new coffee brand. They're gonna keep trying more and more coffee. I tried it for the first time this morning. I was so excited too, I was looking forward to drinking it this morning. I tried it and...it's mid...it's too strong, I feel. I like my coffee strong, I prefer it that way but this is too much. I have the feeling it's really cheap too. They say "made with beans from across the globe" but where? Where specifically have you gotten these beans from? Yeah, that's what I thought. It's also some no-name brand. Mother, father, what are we doing? We need to get our act together, smh, they don't take me on grocery runs so I don't get to offer my input but we gotta drink it all now and that i will do. Though this no-name coffee is the worst I've ever had, it's worse than the cigarette coffee, that's saying something. I drank the coffee this morning and I felt no desire for caffeine throughout the day, I'm sitting here, perfect conditions for coffee drinking and it's the last thing I want right now. This is gonna help me combat my addiction! It's so bad that it's helping me.

Anyway, enough coffee talk, I was so unproductive. On Friday, I was supposed to get home and lock in, get some work done. Then I got a girlfriend so....I spent the whole weekend talking to her. Whoopps! Now I'm out here, buckling down in the evening, trying to get an oral done that is due tomorrow. I can manage though, some of my best work was made in one evening and then I also have science homework. I think I might be cooked, don't care though. I've got a girlfriend! I should probably finish this though, I'll get on that after the blog goes up!

I've been watching too much Sopranos. I remember the day me and my girlfriend became a couple, I watched Season 1 episode 5 of The Sopranos, titled College. It's my 2nd favorite episode of season 1 and it's so beautifully done. Okay, so Tony and his daughter Meadow go out of state to explore her potential colleges and Carmella stays at home and has Father Phil over too. Not in like a sexual way, she obviously has a thing for Father Phil but not in this episode. Anyway, what makes this episode so good is the atmosphere. It's like a horror movie almost and then there's also what I love about the Sopranos, the struggle with balancing his family and his other family. While exploring with Meadow, he sees someone who used to be part of the mob but betrayed them so he now has to take care of business but also keep it from his daughter who is already suspicious of him. At times it feels like a horror movie, there's these church bells sometimes which is a constant reminder that what Tony is about to do is morally wrong. And then it ends with a great quote that Tony sees in one of the colleges and it just forces him to feel the gravity of his actions. Brilliant episode! That's not what I was meant to talk about...I'm going to visit some universities in the near future including...sigh....the cult university but also the one in the big city, some other one I've I've eyeing and maybe some more. IM LITERALLY MEADOW SOPRANO!!! In the past I've said I'm Paulie but IM MEADOW! Maybe that's cause my dad reminds me of Tony. However Tony acts, that's how my dad acts except he doesn't cheat or anything, they have the same views and such. It's so funny that I immediately say he doesn't cheat, as if that's the worst thing Tony has done, he's killed multiple people.

Some preamble before I drop all the juicy deetz. This is just kind of my views on everything like love, relationships, all that stuff. I'm kind of contradictory on this like that quote from Taxi Driver, "partly truth and partly fiction, he's walking contradiction" THATS ME! I'm a cynic but also a hopeless romantic. Of course, I also have my worries but I always worry, I was even scared of announcing it because I was thinking I'd jinx myself and she'd leave me. That's my main concern. So far, things are good though. I've come to terms with the fact that most everything in this life is temporary. That was so comforting to me back in the day, it was a mantra to me. I'd tell myself that over and over and over, you can tell because when I'm in a miserable situation, I say "it's never over" in reference to a Jeff Buckley song and I say this like it's a bad thing. Temporary situations comfort me is what I'm getting at. It's funny how that idea changed for me. The idea of something being temporary is so scary now. I have a lot of good things. I made many friends both on and offline, I have a girlfriend now, I'm in a sweet spot so the idea that all of this is temporary is so scary to me. It could all end. In this specific instance we're discussing my new relationship but I'm terrified of the temporariness of the other things i mentioned. Why did I need to be in such a hurry? I didn't savor anything because I always wanted it to end. Now I find myself on the opposite end of things, I'm not savoring anything because I'm thinking of all the ways it could end. My new mantra is a simple one, you'd think someone like me would use a profound quote as a mantra but one of my mantras is now, "you worry too much" don't ask why I'm talking to myself in this mantra. It's just a reminder, like dude, chill out! It's a way of telling me to live in the moment without saying "live in the moment" because I hate cliches. Also, this is not the end of the moth blog. You see, this is only the first step! We still have the world ahead of us! I just have someone to rule the world with me! She'll be the Lady Macbeth to my Macbeth? That doesn't sound good, lemme pick a better literature couple...I can't think of any good ones (maybe it's because you read the most miserable literature there is hmmmmm) okay, whatever, we're the couple from A Midsummer Nights Dream even though I fucking hate that play but the main couple is really sweet.

Now! The moment you have been waiting for! Guys! I have a girlfriend! She's so cute, I can't. I actually can't deal. I've done things and had conversations with her that a younger moth would scoff at. Yes, younger me, I did have an argument about which of us is the sweetest. Yes, younger me, I did type out a little heart emoticon whole texting her. Yes, younger me, I did blush when she called me cute. (I eat too much pumpkin, anything makes me blush tbh). Also, yes she is my age, she's not a single mother, she's not between the age of 35-45 and she's not blonde. See! I don't only like older blonde women, my favorite Bob Dylan album isn't even Blonde on Blonde, it's Blood on the Tracks! My haterisms completely dissipate in her presence and I have become like Raskolnikov if he found love instead of killing someone. He spends most of the first part of Crime and Punishment hypothesizing like "hmmm...yes, this is how I'd kill someone...this is what I'd do" and that's like me, I was like "yes, if I were in a relationship, I'd do this...and this" and one of the things that was true, was that, I did become poetic. Maybe my writing abilities can be useful for something other than expressing misery. I always thought I'd be like Kafka, he wrote these tragic stories and then he'd write a letter to his gf and he'd become so sweet. That's who we are! We're Kafka and Milena! I gotta read some Dorian Gray, get some inspo for when we next meet. I've been listening to all sorts of romantic music for the whole weekend. Guys, recommend me some sweet, wholesome love songs, all the ones I have are so sad. I can't keep looking to Elliott Smith for love songs. I could talk about her for hours. It's just lovely and nothing short of it. I've always wanted something like this, I've always wanted to have someone to call my girlfriend and I felt behind in life because everyone else got a girlfriend before me. Now I do have a girlfriend and I love her so much!! Guys! She's so sweet!!! I can't! I can't handle it, i don't deserve this...I can't wait to talk to her again! There is one good song that I think of when I'm with her. One of my friends, JUNE/ARCHIE on here, recommended it to me a while ago, it's called Treat Her Like a Lady by Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose. Thank you for the rec, JUNE. If any of you readers have a frilly, wholesome, love song that is not sad please enlighten me! I don't want to reveal too much of her or anything like that because she may not be comfortable with that so I'll end it there.

Good night! Thank you for reading, moth fan stans! Have a great day/night/whatever!